I’m finally old enough-14-to go to the Temple and do Baptisms for the Dead (it’s a Mormon thing…another blog, another day). But in order to “go to the Temple,” I have to endure that age-old Mormon ritual entitled “The Bishop’s Interview,” aka “the Bishop gets to sit you down in his office, ask you extremely personal, inappropriate, disgusting, salacious questions, get off on them, and call himself a family man.”
See, in the Mormon church, if you want to “go to the Temple” (that’s a euphemism for go INSIDE the Temple, by the way), you have to be “worthy.” Interesting fact, the Temple isn’t their church. Anyone can go to the Mormon church. Anyone. Even me. But only the elite can enter the Temple: the “worthy.” What makes you “worthy” to enter the holy Mormon Temple? You don’t drink coffee, tea or alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or take any illicit drugs (but you can take your kid’s Ritalin and Adderol because they were prescribed by a doctor); you don’t fornicate, covet your neighbor’s wife, or commit adultery; you do go to church every Sunday and you do pay your tithing every month.
So who determines whether you’re telling the truth and whether or not you’re “worthy?” The Bishop, of course. The Bishop is some regular dude who was “called of God” (aka asked by another regular dude to do this shitty job) to serve the people of his ward (another Mormon thing). He doesn’t get paid for this service, but he gets rewards in heaven, which for some reason is much cooler. This regular Bishop dude has all of this power (and people actually believe this shit!!!), to interview you to determine if you’re “worthy” to go to the Temple. This feeds his ego and adds ammo to his jack-off magazine. What does the interview look like? You’re not gonna believe this….