[If you’re just now joining us, start at the beginning of this story.]
Here’s what the Bishop’s Interview boils down to:
He sits on his desk, right in front of you, practically on top of you, because by sitting on his desk he’s got power over you AND he’s physically higher than you, which allows him to sit a little too close to you–his knee is practically touching my teensy inkling of a boob–and with a beatific smile tells me that fornication is wrong. “Do you know what I mean by fornication?” he asks. He smiles while he asks this, by the way, which, in hindsight, is just plain creepy.
“No, what is it?” I ask. How embarrassing. I’m 14 and I don’t even know what fornication is?
“Well, fornication is when you have intercourse outside the bonds of holy matrimony. Fornication also includes playing with yourself. Do you know what I mean by that?”
Oh, now that one I DO know, because I’ve been doing that all summer. We have these huge bookshelves and I found a medical dictionary, and that medical dictionary has pictures of penises and vaginas and breasts, and words like ejaculation, intercourse, and clitoris. I discovered that looking at said pictures and reading said words, caused interesting feelings which made me want to umm…play with myself, which made the feelings even more feeling-y and intense and eventually caused a crazy burst of….something awesome and intense and incredible! Where had this burst been my whole life? And once I found the burst, I knew I needed to burst over and over and over again all summer long. Wow.
So yes, I know what you mean by “playing with yourself.”
“Yes,” I say and giggle because this is stupid and I’m embarrassed.
“Do you do it?” the Bishop asks.
Is that a trick question?