My cousin is freakin’ brilliant. I know everyone says that about their cousin, but mine really is. He got near perfect scores on the SAT and ACT. He’s been recruited from one high-tech company to another for years. He’s a software engineer who was making $350,000 in Seattle until Covid hit and he was laid-off.
My brilliant cousin! What moron lays-off my brilliant cousin? Incomprehensible, really.
He’s been job hunting almost as long as I have, and he still hasn’t found anything. His experience is extraordinary, his brain is as close to perfect as a brain gets, his talent is off the charts; this guy is marketable as fuck, and he can’t find a job.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? If he can’t find a job…Beatrice is doomed.
But enough about me. For now. Of course we’ll get back to me, cuz it’s all about me. What? It’s my blog, bitch.
Back to my brilliant cousin. He and I have a theory as to why we’re not getting hired. It’s a truly inspired theory, by the way. I won’t include it here, because that would make this post too long for the average attention span – it’s already almost too long for mine – but this theory is worth reading. Here’s a little teaser:
You get what you pay for.
Do I sound greedy, because greed would lead to the basement. (See The Beginning.)
You know what I know for sure? I’m not greedy. I’m valuable.