Back to my brilliant cousin and our inspired theory as to why we’re not getting hired.
He and I commiserate occasionally. All commiserating and no play make Beatrice and her brilliant cousin dull, bitter alcoholics.
Which reminds me, I need to watch The Shining again. It’s been way too long and September is practically October which is Halloween and I love scary movies, so it’s time. I think I’ll do that tonight.
Brilliant cousin and I have both worked our asses off for years to get to where we are professionally and make the kind of money that we were making. We earned every penny. We are valuable, talented, intelligent employees with strong work ethics; both of us liked by colleagues and clients alike.
Through our commiserating, my cousin and I have come to a conclusion: potential employers – or, more likely, the HR Managers reviewing the applications – see our experience and previous companies and realize that we must have been making a pretty decent salary, and the HR Manager panics, because they could never in a million years approach the hiring manager about a salary that they assume we want, since they’d get yelled at and potentially fired and don’t they remember the sticky note that had the salary printed on it in bold letters? “Then why are you bothering me?!”
Simply considering this horrifying event causes the HR Manager to throw-up a little, shart a teensy bit, and immediately delete the application and resume.
So not cool. I’m not talking about the sharting.
The not cool part is the fact that most job applications straight up ask salary requirements. Is that legal, by the way? I write “negotiable” when I can, but some software doesn’t allow “negotiable.” It only allows numbers. You can’t even put a comma in there.
So the dilemma: I put a low salary on my application, I get the interview; but I’m under-valuing myself and they’ll start me at that crazy low salary and it will take me years to work back up to where I was, and most likely they would have paid me more, but I didn’t put more in my salary expectations.
On the other hand, let’s say I submit the application with my legit desired salary. It’s potentially a deal-breaker, and I won’t even get an interview.
Please don’t let my salary expectations dissuade you. I’m willing to discuss it. I’m willing to negotiate – so is my brilliant cousin, by the way, which I know for a fact, because we commiserated about it last night. Please stop under-valuing me and what I bring to the table. Please stop assuming that I won’t take the job for a lower salary – let me make that decision. Please. Don’t make it for me.
I’ll say it again: You get what you pay for.