So my brilliant cousin wasn’t getting interviews, just like I wasn’t getting interviews, and it’s baffling to us because we’re fucking amazing.
Unfortunately, “fucking amazing” doesn’t get you much these days. Forget about our talent, our experience, our intellect and our badass-ness; when it comes to job hunting, none of that stuff matters. It’s about winning the game.
Job hunting is a game, and brilliant cousin and I know how to play it. We’ve played it before. Our resumes are going to be put through the hiring software that companies have started utilizing – god help us – and so we know that in order to play the game right, we need to customize each resume for each individual job. To win the game, we use keywords, phrases, and even entire sentences from the actual job posting itself. Straight up copying and pasting. The words I copied and pasted into my customized-just-for-you-resume are obviously programmed into the software for this job, because they reflect exactly what the post says, right? I’m clearly clever and winning the game.
The only thing is, I’m not. I’m losing the game. How am I losing this game?
Even when I’m perfectly qualified for the job, and I’ve copied and pasted your words from your own job posting, I’m not getting interviews. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve applied for a job in the morning and by that same afternoon I’ve received your rejection email.
“After carefully reviewing your resume, we are moving forward with other candidates whose background and qualifications more closely meet our needs.”
What the what? How could anyone be more qualified than me? I’ve done this job before. I know how to do it and I do it well. Plus, I copied and pasted your own words in my resume!
Speaking of, what do you mean “after carefully reviewing my resume?” You didn’t review my fucking resume! Not one set of human eyes even glanced at my resume. Shame on you and your fucking software.
It took me hours to customize my resume, fill out your application, reach out to any of my contacts who might be remotely connected to anyone at your company so they could put in a good word for me so that I could at least get an interview for this job, and you don’t even have the decency – won’t even do me the courtesy of at least looking at my resume? I got your automated rejection letter roughly four hours after I submitted my resume and application. It took me longer to actually apply for the fucking job than it did for you to reject me.
Fuck. You. Assholes.
Yes, I sound angry. That’s because I am angry. I gotta let it go. Anger leads to basements. (See The Beginning.)