The good news is that my brilliant cousin – who also happens to be financially blessed which plays a part in this whole thing (which I’ll get to in a minute) – found a solution. He located a software engineer who had worked for a couple of these “fuck you and your pathetic resume” software companies –
I have to interrupt this paragraph to say that I originally wanted to describe this software and the companies who utilize said software: “You’re a fucking moron if you believe we think of you as an actual human being” or “How dumb are you that you thought we would really read the resume you spent hours customizing?” or “Go fuck yourself, because we’ve already hired an internal candidate and only posted the job because we had to” or “Do you really think we’re going to waste time looking at any of these resumes?” However, all of those are too long, so I’m just going to call this software/software company/hiring company, “fuck you and your pathetic resume.” I think that says it quite nicely. And anyway, blogs are about brevity, right?
– and had figured out the algorithms they were using to disqualify the resumes. She told both of those companies to go fuck themselves and started her own business in which she helps lowly job hunters game the system and actually win.
Brilliant cousin sent her one of his resumes and the job posting that he had customized it for. She ran it through the software she had designed that mimicked the “fuck you and your pathetic resume” software and discovered that his resume was only 24% compatible with the job. 24%. Not enough to get him an interview or even a phone call. How is that possible? He copied key words, phrases, and sentences directly from the posting.
The resume software and the companies who use them are fucking with us, fellow job hunters. The keywords the software looks for aren’t even in the job posting. Proof? Proof:
The software engineer that my brilliant cousin hired, revamped his resume by using her proprietary software which she designed to game the system. She took my cousin’s resume and added words and phrases that weren’t anywhere in the job posting. Keywords that weren’t mentioned anywhere in the company values or the “about” page on their website. She added phrases and sentences that she knew the software at the “fuck you and your pathetic resume” software companies was designed to look for. Words that had nothing to do with the actual job posting.
Once she revamped his resume, she re-ran it through her software. 76% match. 76%. He got an interview. Now he’ll be able to meet face to face with the hiring manager, look her in the eyes, and sell himself.
So companies are using hiring software and now job hunters are being forced to use “how to win the game to get an interview” software.
Software hiring software.
Robots hiring robots.
Secret Santa this year should be a kick.