Irreverent, often painfully funny musings about life…
Men…the necessary evil
Mustache Guy – Part 7 2008
I’m having a hard time getting over the whole “Kotex” thing. I’m pretty creeped-out about it, to be perfectly honest, but I have to be here for 15 more minutes and maybe idle conversation will make the time go faster.
“Are you much of a reader?” I ask.
“Well, I like to read. But not books. ...
Mustache Guy – Part 6 2008
Now that I’ve patiently listened to the titillating story about the bus, his boss, and lost vacation time, how much longer do you think I have to sit here? I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but…come on!
“So where have you been traveling lately?” I ask.
“Kansas, Arkansas, and South Dakota.”
Aaaaaaannnnnd now I’m done. ...
Mustache Guy – Part 5 2008
Mustache Guy is ordering his coffee, and I’m looking for a place to sit. A place far away from everybody else in the coffee shop, because I don’t want them to hear us having a “first date” conversation. I find a table in the corner.
He sits down and asks me how I’m doing and ...
Mustache Guy – Part 4 2008
Maybe Mustache Guy was nervous when we talked the other night and that’s why he rambled on and on. Maybe he’s beyond hot and maybe he doesn’t have a mustache after all.
Maybe I’m losing my mind.
Of course I’m losing my mind. What other explanation is there for joining a matchmaking service?
I’d rather ...
Mustache Guy – Part 3 2008
A few seconds later my phone rings. Well, I did tell him to call me….
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hey, lady!” he starts laughing. He definitely has a mustache and just thinking about it gives me the creeps.
So Mustache Guy starts talking. At first he’s very polite; he asks me a couple of questions about myself, which is ...
Mustache Guy – Part 2 2008
I call Mustache Guy on Wednesday afternoon and leave a message, “Hi, this is Beatrice from the matchmaking place returning your call. Call me when you get a chance and let’s talk. I look forward to meeting you.”
I look forward to meeting you? No I don’t…you have a mustache. (Insert long sigh here.) But I’m ...
Mustache Guy – Part 1 2008
Is it just me, or is “really nice guy” a euphemism for “boring and not that smart”? If the only adjective you can find for a guy is “really nice,” then please don’t set me up with him. I like nice guys. I do. I just don’t like boring, dense, nice guys.
I step off the ...
Starbucks Guy – Part 3 2008
My date with Starbucks Guy had turned into a fucking job interview. And I was the interviewer. I so blew it.
The most decent, attractive man I have met in, literally, years, and I interview him? Are you kidding me? I am beyond humiliated. I haven’t been this beyond humiliated since I fell off the ...
Starbucks Guy – Part 2 2008
I want to find us a seat in the Starbucks that’s a bit off the beaten path, because I don’t want anyone to hear our conversation and recognize immediately that this is a first date and then feel sorry for us because we’re on a first date. I always feel sorry for old-first-date-people, because first ...
Starbucks Guy – Part 1 2008
We meet at a Starbucks on a Sunday morning in August, and I can’t believe how absolutely gorgeous he is! Holy shit. This is who my cousin sets me up with? She really thinks I’m good enough for this? Really? Wow. All of a sudden I genuinely love my cousin.
Anyway, so I approach him and ...