Mustache Guy – Part 6

2008

Now that I’ve patiently listened to the titillating story about the bus, his boss, and lost vacation time, how much longer do you think I have to sit here? I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but…come on!

Open mind.

“So where have you been traveling lately?” I ask.

“Kansas, Arkansas, and South Dakota.”

Aaaaaaannnnnd now I’m done. Seriously. When someone starts talking about exciting travels to Arkansas? Yeah, I’m done.

I don’t regret coming, though, because an extremely Hot Guy just walked in, and oh my gosh. Next to Starbucks Guy, this guy is the most perfect man in America. Tall, gorgeous, well-dressed…wait a minute. Something’s different. What’s different?

Oh. Mustache Guy has quit talking.

Awkward lull in conversation. Super fun times.

“So, tell me about your family. Any siblings?” I ask.

Look, as long as I have to be here, I’d rather attempt conversation than sit and stare at this guy’s ugly mustache.

“Eight brothers and sisters,” he says. “How about you?”

“I have five sisters and no brothers,” I say.

He pulls the same face that everyone pulls when I tell that. But then:

“Six girls?” he laughs. “That’s a lot of Kotex!”

Ew. Eeeeewww! Did he really just…? Kotex?

Forget the fact that that is an absolutely creepy thing to say to someone – especially on a first date – but who says “Kotex” anymore? Who says that??

Ew. Ugh. Gross.

Has this traumatic event really only been happening for 15 minutes?

At least give it 15 more, Beatrice. You can do anything for 15 minutes.

Right?

Mistake number 3,772,599.

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