I love Jesus AND I cuss, drink whiskey, and have a vibrator

  • Am I Too Old to Swear? December 2020 “I’m not a bull’s pizzle, YOU are!” Am I too old to swear? Better question: am I too old to swear as much as I do? I swear a lot. I mean, a really fuckin’ lot. My mother used to say, “beautiful young ladies do not swear.” We’re only beautiful and young for so long, mother. ...
  • Can You Believe This is Not Only Allowed but Condoned? Part 3 1981 Of course I don’t “play with myself,” because if I do, it means I’m breaking a commandment and I’m evil and sick and wrong and I won’t be worthy to go to the Temple with all of my friends to do baptisms for ...
  • Can You Believe This is Not Only Allowed but Condoned? Part 2 1981 Here’s what the Bishop’s Interview boils down to: He sits on his desk, right in front of you, practically on top of you, because by sitting on his desk he’s got power over you AND he’s physically higher than you, which allows him to ...
  • Can You Believe This is Not Only Allowed but Condoned? Part 1 1981 I’m finally old enough-14-to go to the Temple and do Baptisms for the Dead (it’s a Mormon thing…another blog, another day). But in order to “go to the Temple,” I have to endure that age-old Mormon ritual entitled “The Bishop’s Interview,” aka “the Bishop gets to sit you down in his office, ask you extremely ...
  • Mormons 2017 I was raised LDS. It’s a religion, by the way, and yes, you’ve heard of it: Mormons. Ah, yes, you’re thinking. The Mormons. The weirdos who have a million wives with bad clothes and even worse hair. The people with a million kids who are home schooled and only allowed to read spiritual stuff. Wait, ...